Episode 12 - Work Isn’t Family: The Pitfalls of Blurring Professional Lines

The conversation explores the dynamics of relationships at work and the pitfalls of projecting a family-like environment in the workplace. It emphasizes the importance of professional boundaries and self-awareness in leadership. The hosts share personal experiences and insights, highlighting the need for balance and conscious decision-making in professional relationships. The conversation explores the dynamics of friendships and relationships, particularly in the context of work and personal life. The speakers discuss the importance of setting boundaries, being authentic, and differentiating between different levels of friendship. They also touch on the challenges of navigating social dynamics and the need for self-reflection and attunement. The conversation ends with a discussion about the power dynamics in professional relationships and the importance of mutual respect and consideration.

Chapters

• 0:00 Part One: When Work Becomes 'Family'
• 10:06 Part Two: Unpacking the Family Metaphor: Examining Professional Boundaries
• 26:24 Part Three: Redefine Professional Boundaries: Creating Healthier Work Relationships

Transcript

Katie Bickford (02:16.63)
Yeah, and we're back for season two. So, Mary, I'm tempted to say that we made it, but it feels like our break flew by. And in that short time, I forgot everything about how to do this. I'm simultaneously having a hard time getting back in the saddle. But I'm awkwardly climbing back in and remembering how much I love doing this.

So how about you? How are you doing? You've been busy with all manner of fun and summer projects.

Mary (02:48.312)
Yeah.

Mary (02:51.604)
Yeah, it's just getting ready because I have to be honest, like in the summer months, I'm like t -shirts, no makeup, ponytail. So I was just like drying my hair and putting on makeup like, okay, this is how I'm supposed to be presentable. And honestly, a teeny bit low energy today. I had some guests this past weekend and into the week and just, you know,

Katie Bickford (03:02.296)
Yeah.

Mary (03:19.608)
Boohoo, right? Like big problems to have, but my energy level is not like in work mode, which is a nice thing for summer. But I think as, as you're talking about it, like I'm very on and off work mode. And so we've put so much into this podcast. It is, it is work. It's, it's our, you know, our project. And so I'm trying to negotiate the like, Hey, wake up, get into work, get your work persona on and perform.

but it's like, hey, but I'm not, I'm just chilling in the summer. And so I think there's a little bit of my non -work persona coming through today, which is kind of interesting and kind of the stuff that we talk about and we're gonna talk about more this season about like personas and all that kind of good stuff. I'm also, I know you're a yogi and you know, have a yoga instructor even. I went to a really good yoga class on Saturday and she was given the whole spiel like.

You know, we meet ourselves where we are and you know, you might not be able to do a pose today that you did yesterday and you might need to do child's pose because you're really exhausted. You don't know why. So I think I'm, I'm approaching the recording of our podcast today in that kind of way, which is like, I'm a little stiff, not feeling like I'm going to be doing like a lot of flying around. We might need a child. We might need to stop the recording and do a child's pose and catch up. But I also think this is cool because this is the kind of stuff we talk about on the show.

And I think it's interesting to kind of break open the intellectual stuff that we talk about so much and kind of like draw attention to like, hey, this happens, right? People go to work and you're like not, you're going through the motions and you can feel it and you're gonna give it your best, not because you don't want to, but we're like human beings, we're not performers.

Katie Bickford (05:06.35)
Yeah, and I think really is something to say for showing up with what you've got in like, like given day. And, you know, I think there's, you know, there's like the memes of, you know, some days 10 % is your 100%. And, and even for me this morning, I mean, what you're talking about is just, you know, like, like so accurate relative to how I'm feeling right now. Cause I woke up this morning and I felt bad.

about how there's like, had all these aspirations for things that I wanted to have done before we did this first episode and this first recording and they're not done. So that was actually creating this kind of tension in me about kind of like the thing of like something being sort of like good enough to just actually show up and give it a shot and try a new format and even just get back into the thing. I mean, like the setup, like you're saying getting ready, you know,

we record at the end of the day. So like most of the day, it's hard not to be thinking about the episode and looking at the script and thinking and like getting into the headspace for it. So even that, you know, but I do think that for me this morning, that kind of little devil on the shoulder that's like, maybe we should just postpone it, you know, that kind of thing where you can like hear that that's one of the things that's like offered up as an option and

Instead, what we're doing is we're doing the showing up part, which is like you show up with like, you know, come as you are kind of thing. And I do, I do think that's, it's important for people like us and presumably our listeners to be talking about this kind of thing, which is like, listen, if you want, if you have to show up, if, if you, if for you to show up, you need to be at a hundred percent perfect makeup, cognitively, like sharp as a tack, fully prepared.

then that means you can't really show up as often as you actually need to. So it's like more like, okay, well, if you can show up at the level you're at and just like present at the best possible level of your capacity than that really, that's a better recipe for, I guess like success.

Mary (07:17.506)
I'm gonna pull on that a little more and even say that I've gotten feedback, because we've talked on the show, like how I'm a recovered perfectionist and all that kind of good stuff overachieving. And I have realized over the years that sometimes when I show up not super stoked and rearing right out of the gate, that actually some of that softness and a little bit of vulnerability actually makes whatever I'm doing better.

And that has taken me a really long time to accept because I assume that the performance and the value of what I'm doing is more important than who I am. But I'd argue that like, you know, some of the things that we're going to be talking about today in the show really resonate with people personally. And so maybe if we're a little bit more in touch, like a little more vulnerable and a little bit more in touch with our humaneness.

coming into this that maybe we'll have that kind of reaction to the content and it would like kind of connect into those things in a more meaningful way. So yeah, I'm kind of embracing the like, it's  more than good enough. It's probably more than good enough.

Katie Bickford (08:31.822)
It's probably more than good enough. Well, and I'll say to our yin yang dynamic that your preparation and your, like that has rubbed off on me in a really positive way because I have a tendency to love the sort of like this, like an aspect of like the sense of danger.

for doing things by being like, let's see what happens. Like, I only like kind of get this to a certain level and this is going to sound like it's countering what I just said. But actually it's countering the fact that like with us working together, you know, the standard I really value that we uphold the type of standard that we do with each other. It's really important part of the dynamic for me. It's really fulfilling.

Mary (09:20.142)
Well, and right back at you, of course, I'm going to have to like volley that compliment with a compliment, which is I can sometimes be a little over -indexed on the preparation and be a little too rigid. And your spontaneity and creativity has given me license and nudged me a little bit to be more comfortable being spontaneous and not, not everything doesn't have to be locked down. And actually we've had some really cool moments that were

scripted that were just completely just the energy of us flowing. And those moments wouldn't have happened if we were just way far to my side of things.

Katie Bickford (09:55.412)
Yeah, and I think that there's like, it's one of those things where it's just, it's like finding that balance is just a dynamic thing because I think there were like some of the feedback from our earliest episode where we had no structure, where we just were like, okay, we have a really, we've got a thing here and we want to do a podcast. And I think that one of the points of feedback that we got there from some people,

was that it was kind of like that there was a sense that it lacked structure. And the suggestion was, know, I think this would be really good if you had some more structure, which by the way, for any listener to realize that by the time you give Mary feedback, she already figured it out like four weeks ago. So it's like we already, when people were giving us that feedback, like Mary had already like solved for everything.

Yeah, I I think that I think there's like this benefit to the this this like structural aspect of it. And I think finding our way through that has been really cool for at least, you know, I'll say from my personal experience, it's been really cool. And I've grown a lot. So here we are. We're back in the saddle.

Mary (11:07.266)
Season two.

Katie Bickford (11:08.97)
Season two, we're doing it. We're doing it again. Yeah, let's do

Mary (11:10.936)
We're doing it. Let's go.

Mary (11:17.048)
All right, okay, so, and scene.

Katie Bickford (11:20.823)
and see

Mary (11:23.342)
Scene two is all you.

Katie Bickford (11:23.886)
All right, what's our time stamp here? 1124.

Mary (11:33.676)
actually, I'm going to turn my mic off during your bit just to save any extra noise.

Katie Bickford (11:33.729)
All right.

Katie Bickford (11:39.28)
I don't mind actually. So I'll tell you something from the edit. I actually like hearing it when you make, when you're like, yeah, there's something it's weird. So this is actually worth noting. It's that in edits, it's like, even when you go, yeah, like you make sounds or where it's, actually adds to it. It's even, yeah, yeah, it's good.

Mary (11:45.368)
My breathing.

Katie Bickford (12:06.88)
And see you.

Mary (12:11.48)
Act one, scene two, and

Katie Bickford (12:13.151)
Boom! Okay, so relationships at work. So relationships at work are critical for professional success, but they also introduce complications in gray areas. It's helpful to understand the dynamics in work relationships so you can be mindful of how they might support your best interests or get in way of them. So when you hear the phrase

Our workplace is like one big family. You know, what comes to mind? Yeah. If the definition of family is a group of blood related people with common ancestry who live and care for one another as part of a unit, like how might this be similar or different from your work reality? One of the important implications

of the term family is a unity that weathers and transcends hardships and works through mistakes of any magnitude. It also implies lineage and tradition that stretch back into history and reach into the future. Yet this isn't how every family operates. So when I think of the idealism of a family,

I might be going too hard into this. I think about an everlasting opportunity for redemption, steadfastness through hardships. think of parents who stand by their child on death row or visit their comatose child in the hospital on a ventilator for years. But again, not all families have this level of cohesion. So when we refer to a work family, it's a binding implication for the employee

very little specificity and accountability for the employer. I'd like to suggest, and this is a little bit of humor here, I'd like to suggest that when a company says, we're like a family, a company has to provide the example of the specific family that they resemble. Is it the Pritchett Dunfies from Modern Family or is it the Manson family?

Katie Bickford (14:26.186)
heaven knows that it's like, really is. mean, I think the thing is, is that like, that always gets me on this is that there's an implication in that and how that lack of specificity like creates a complete lack of accountability for being able to like nail what that even means, but it has an incredibly high emotional load. So unless you are working in the family business, this phrase,

this company is like a big family is patently false. There are compelling reasons why employers and some well -meaning bosses may use this phrase. It's important to understand the rationale or subconscious motivators behind an organization's culture and employee interpersonal dynamics. So you're better able to assess the risks and trade -offs which come with the territory.

Mary (15:23.47)
Awesome.

Mary (15:28.014)
Okay, back

Katie Bickford (15:29.39)
Wait, what do we do for time? 15, 29.

Mary (15:37.262)
All right, quick.

Mary (15:42.734)
Okay, connection. Are you pondering your relationship to your job? Does your boss say things like, we're all one big family here? How should you think about your relationship with your employer? In the U .S., most employment is at will, meaning employers can terminate or modify employment for any reason and without notice, so long as it's not illegal. The U .S. work week is 40 hours.

per the Fair Labor Standards Act. Only non -exempt employees, and most mid to high level workers do not fall in this category, are entitled to overtime pay. Unionized workers may have more protection, but union membership has declined by half since the early 80s. It's about 10 % today. The US is the only country in the G8 countries, and yes, this includes Russia, which has both at -will labor laws

as well as little to no national social safety nets. This double jeopardy puts American workers at high risk since most health insurance and retirement plans are provided by U .S. employers. Without national health care and pension schemes, there is significant variability in the quality of coverage and benefits Americans receive. It also means that should you be fired from your job,

you will have to self -fund you and your dependent's health insurance. If you can't afford it, you may consider risking forgoing health benefits, including important preventative health services, a notable risk which could be financially devastating should serious illness or injury occur. This in its plainest, most blunt terms is a summary of the relationship between you and your employer. You are hired for an agreed amount of money

based on a point in time job description for a point in time boss and a point in time department or team. Unless you have a unique employment contract, your employer may legally modify any and all of these things. Make no mistake, especially in the United States, work is not family.

Katie Bickford (18:02.924)
Oof.

Good one.

Katie Bickford (18:10.702)
All right. Oh yeah, let me for... Okay, we're at 18.

Mary (18:11.598)
to scene

Katie Bickford (18:19.736)
So early in my career as a field sales rep, which meant I spent my days traveling solo in my territory. My employer did a massive team building trip where they brought us all to together at Disney in Florida. We ran a 5k together. had coach K speak about successful teams, spent time in breakout sessions, learning from each other

bonding, we all became really close. Then, two months later, the entire team, except for me and two other people, were laid off because the company lost an important contract. was nothing that anyone had done wrong or was related to their performance. Just everyone got laid off except for three of us. And something that stuck with

was one of my remaining colleagues had said.

Well, they said we're a family, but this feels like coming into the kitchen for breakfast and asking, where's Mikey? Where's Amy? And being told like your brothers and sisters are no longer part of the family, but we're still a family. So now I want to be transparent.

in this discussion and implicate myself. In the past, a combination of my own limited self -awareness around my own needs and the outsized role that work was playing in my life greatly influenced how I approached team dynamics and cohesion. I've been building teams for nearly two decades. And my vantage point on this, it has evolved, but I was often...

Katie Bickford (20:19.97)
the overprotective fighting battles instead of letting my team build their capabilities. And this overprotection would evaporate as soon as I left, leaving the team without the strength they needed to advocate for themselves. It took me a long time to understand what I'd been doing and why this was not good for my direct reports. You know, there was also a familiarity and warmth that served my sensibilities.

but didn't necessarily foster the independence and resilience my teams needed. My instinct for understanding how to influence team cohesion to improve commitment and performance often led me to inadvertently stifle their growth or even push them too hard. So, as we discuss these themes today, I wanna emphasize the importance of self -awareness and balance in leadership.

It's also finding that sweet spot where you can guide and support your team without overshadowing their development and doing it without creating dependency.

Mary (21:29.944)
Wow. A lot of what you've said is resonating with me and I have a couple thoughts. I think I want to start by saying one of the things I've seen, particularly in large corporate environments, is the projecting of a family model onto employees by well -meaning or potentially not well -meaning people.

And I think I have two examples of those in the latter category. One of the executives I coach described a former boss who literally referred to herself as mama bear to her large team. And this was in a very large firm. This was not, this is not a small friendly environment. This is over a hundred thousand people.

This woman had a habit of referring to her male directs as her sons, which I found particularly creepy and obviously just plainly unprofessional. And this was not done in private. This was a regular occurrence. Exchanges would happen in person and large Zoom meetings, even in town hall meetings, which meant several hundred employees on the line. So you won't be surprised

that this dynamic came with lots of confusing politics to navigate. My client complained about how her boss chose to play mommy only with her male directs, whom she favored over the two female direct reports. And by the way, all of this is happening at a time when the firm is going through restructuring and reducing headcount. So it really amped up the competition within the leadership team.

This bizarre pseudo family model constructed by this boss was completely intentional. She benefited in playing off the insecurity that she created in her team, creating power struggles amongst the work siblings. And so as I was hearing this story, my thought was like, this boss is not just professionally toxic.

Mary (23:48.736)
But if her flavor of mother archetype includes pitting her children against each other to gain mommy's favor or worse to avoid her wrath, then this is a double whammy and a psychologically toxic person

Mary (24:10.772)
Okay, and scene.

Alright, scene three, me again. Alright, it's a longer one, let's take a

Mary (24:23.732)
and action.

While I don't remember referring to any of my teams as a family, and I'm sure someone will remind me if that's not true, earlier in my career, I did tend to make caretaking a part of my management style. I don't think I did this to seek favor or loyalty from my team, though in some cases I did receive both. I think I did this because I believed that I was responsible for my employees' success, safety, and emotional well -being.

I've spent my career focusing on transformation and change can be an emotionally difficult thing for people to cope with, even those designing and executing it. Looking back, I can see that I was trying to emotionally take care of my employees. This may sound nice, but looking back with the advantage of time, I realize it's a risky model for everyone involved. The simple reason is the obvious one. Bosses aren't parents and employees are not children.

While empathy, kindness, and consideration are good leadership qualities, they really need to be balanced with objectivity, professional boundaries, and emotional distance. If you don't do this, you run the risk of instilling in yourself and your employees an unrealistic expectation that they will be looked after and protected. Unless you're the CEO of a company, most likely you are not in a position to promise anything of the sort.

there are always going to be things beyond your control. In my case, especially in some of the more complex work cultures I've been in, I liked the idea of my employees feeling safe. And I also liked the idea of them seeing me as the reason why they were safe. And when things were quiet and cool, this can be lovely until it isn't. Particularly in large organizations where structural reorganizations are very common.

Mary (26:26.978)
the fantasy eventually hits reality. There comes a time when maybe a decision is made above you or an issue arises, which is beyond your ability to address. When I was just starting out as a manager, I had an employee with a serious health condition. I worried about her and fussed over her health. Several months after working for me, she began making mistakes and wasn't always following directions I'd given

On one occasion, she completely ignored a direct request and instead did an assignment the way she wanted to instead of the way I specifically asked her to do it. Instead of discussing it with me in advance, she took liberties, which I don't believe she would have done if we had maintained more professional emotional boundaries. It wasn't that either one of us were wrong, rather that we were each bringing personal stuff, mostly subconscious, to our relationship.

and we're both letting it play itself out there. Psychologists call this enactment. It's what happens when we unconsciously repeat behaviors, usually from childhood. This dance between two people can play itself out, usually without either person realizing what's happening. And this is a key reason why I'm a big advocate of professional personas and boundaries. Like the expression fences make good neighbors, professional boundaries make good colleagues.

It creates clear conscious expectations that all parties can navigate. It won't eliminate transferential issues amongst coworkers, but it will be a helpful factor in keeping things from getting very messy. Another reason why taking on a parental role with employees is a bad idea is the fact that some people may experience you very unfavorably. Some employees may have histories which make this kind of dynamic feel uncomfortable.

either because they've had a boss who did this in a manipulative way, or maybe there are more complex reasons related to childhood experiences. Despite your positive intentions, acting like a mother or father figure to your employees may make you feel better, but your employees may experience you as unsafe. The workplace is fraught with political and interpersonal complexity. The moment you step out of the professional work frame,

Mary (28:49.036)
you open yourself up to disappointment, resentment, and even political or labor related risk. This is especially true in toxic dog eat dog cultures. Losing emotional perspective at work will make playing the game much more psychologically challenging for you and also distract you from your primary directive, which is just to do the

Katie Bickford (29:16.276)
Wow. So talk about being back in the saddle, listening to you always evokes an even like one more layer of insight. And one of the thoughts that came up when you were talking was that, you know, one of the things about, your, your statement of good fences make good neighbors and how when we're using, you know, we're kind of overstepping

emotional relationships and like the level of care beyond what is appropriate because you know I think there's like a saying that's like you give people what you wish you got and so when it's like too much or it's an extra you know what this kind of dovetails on something else that you said which was that you're making promises that you can't be assured that you can keep

And so you're, especially if you're, and I've done this, I'm saying you're, I'm going to speak directly to myself. It's like having this idealism for the way things are supposed to be operating. And then, then, then even expressing that as what you desire for the person or kind of your directionally where you're trying to take things and the level of pressure you put on yourself, especially as in the many times.

that it becomes revealed that you're not going to be able to deliver on that. So it's like, what do do now? You've kind of had this idea like, you're going so far, you're doing so great, or this is where I think that, and just as you're talking, I think about that. And I think about how you talked about how there's a dynamic you're forcing on people.

that may just really want to have good fences, good neighbors and do their job, but also the unintentional stress that we can put on ourselves by creating these dynamics and then not being, because of the environment they're happening in, that of course we can't fulfill them to the extent of them being familial and caring. And of course what's going to happen is that

Katie Bickford (31:33.142)
never going to have the full visibility in terms of like all of the conditions of the business and things that are going to actually impact whether things can happen or not in the directions that other aspects of the operation go in. I mean, this is what you're saying. It's just so relatable. And when we were preparing for this, I was like, I was surprised and I don't know why I was, I was surprised.

by how similar our experiences and perspectives were. My blind spot has been that I worked a lot and was using professional relationships to fulfill the need for connection that my workaholism was crowding out in my personal life. I didn't see it. In fact, I was under the mistaken belief that my ability to focus on work

at the expense of personal connections was evidence that personal connection wasn't necessary for me the same way it was for others. So irony alert here is I treated, I created a workshop for business development and sales for uncovering the drivers and motivations of your customers. And the way it works is that we look at many different drivers own.

our own drivers and motivations and come to understand that everyone has different motivations unique to their constitution. And the first revelation in the workshop is uncovering the projection and bias of believing everyone is driven by the same thing, specifically what we consider important. The second revelation is understanding the difference between what we think is driving our behavior and what actually is, because if someone on the opposite side of the table can clock you,

and you're unaware, they can gain the advantage and ultimately move you around the board with ease and you'll be left wondering what happened. So the irony here is that I uncovered my drive, my driver through teaching the workshop. It's a common projection for salespeople to believe the drive for everyone is to make money. You know, it's the primary driver for motivator for customers, but here's a sampling of other drivers.

Katie Bickford (33:50.186)
like avoiding risk, conserving time, building human connection, gaining status, securing resources, which includes making money, but not exclusive to it, an innate desire to be generous, the desire for meaning. And I had an, my gosh moment when I pinned human connection as the reason I'd been staying with companies.

longer than was good for me. At first, I had blamed it on the money. Then I had a flash of insight and like a movie montage, I could see this thread stretching back to the creation of my first team that was relying on these human connections to fulfill me. It also showed up when I was negotiating an investment deal and I noticed that I was having a hard time resisting the uncharacteristic warmth and familiarity of the other party.

and how this is making it hard for me to say no at times when I needed to.

Mary (35:00.194)
Awesome.

Mary (35:04.654)
Okay, act three, down the final stretch. Scene one, it's you.

Katie Bickford (35:08.44)
That's me again.

Katie Bickford (35:17.038)
So we talk a lot on this show about navigating and winning the game while holding onto your values and integrity. So when organizations project family into the cultural narrative, there's a range of reasons why. This may provide some comfort to employees for the short term, but all of them ultimately benefit the interests of the employer and their side of the table. So first,

And most obviously, people who feel a sense of purpose and connection, especially emotional connection, like strongly identifying with your title or profession, are going to work much harder and be more invested in outcomes. These are employees who are working long past quitting time and maybe even weekends. They are the ones answering a work email at the restaurant during a family dinner. Organizations highlight, promote,

and reward this type of behavior until they don't. Because employees, many of whom have unresolved issues about feeling valued, may find themselves attracted to companies who dangle the promise of protection and caretaking. And in the work world, translated to job security, promotion, and compensation, bring those into the mix. So cultures.

which do this take full advantage of employees with their work ethic and personality type, within the, we're like a family here trope is the unsaid promise that hard work yields positive gains. It's a logical argument, which most American corporations cannot or will not back up for all the reasons we've discussed. They're focused on one thing.

And one thing only, and that is making money. There can be a shared complicity in this unspoken cultural work dynamic where everyone agrees to believe in fantasy because it makes living in uncertainty, complexity, and unfairness much easier for all involved. But when the rubber hits the proverbial road, companies will institute reorganizations, layoffs, and or shrink bonus pools regardless of how hard you work.

Katie Bickford (37:33.142)
or how identified you feel with a company logo and what is the fix for this. Invest in connection and belonging outside of work and prioritize those connections. When it comes to loyalty, keep your options open. Obviously chronic job hopping is bad for your career, but the language of business is transaction. I give you this, I get

The relational side of business is a hack to get more out of the transaction. An example I used earlier was a deal where my ability to negotiate was being influenced by how much I enjoyed being liked. But it's worth note, as soon as I saw what they were doing, the spell was broken and the field became significantly more level.

Mary (38:33.582)
Okay, scene two, act three, scene

Mary (38:40.928)
All relationships are interpersonal, but professional relationships must have professional boundaries. This doesn't mean you shouldn't strive to be a kind, empathetic leader, but you can't be a good leader unless you do so with professional boundaries. If you recognize yourself as someone who plays parent, hero, or martyr at work, start to be curious about where this might come

Ask yourself if you play this role in all your relationships. Maybe you played this role as a child in your family of origin. If you have a desire to take on a caretaking role at work, you may be operating from some deeper place, maybe unconsciously. For example, maybe you're focusing on being a strong hero figure to your employees because doing so gives you a greater sense of control over your own career.

Acting like you are a powerful hero who can protect your employees may help fortify your own insecurities about being professionally secure. You may be acting like the hero you wish someone would be to you. We all have behaviors driven from our subconscious. It's a pretty standard human being thing. Personal growth, including therapy, recovery, and self -discovery focuses on teaching us how to get to know ourselves better.

therapists and also safe friends who have the emotional capacity can be important teachers as we get to learn about who we are and make increasingly more conscious decisions to act in more deliberate ways. This is a great example of why personal development is so critical and complimentary to our professional development. When we operate consciously in the here and now based on reality,

we are better positioned to use all our emotional and intellectual tools at our disposal. And this benefits our employees as well as ourselves. This all said, the work I'm describing is extremely personal and private and exposes more vulnerable aspects of who we are as humans. As you might recall from our episode on authenticity, I'm of the mind that it's safer for you to do this work in your personal life and bring a conscious, rational,

Mary (40:57.92)
and more emotionally subdued persona to your job. And also, let's just pause and recognize you for trying. You deserve credit for being a kind, compassionate, and caring person. But also give yourself permission to let your investment in your job end with your job description. Projecting familial roles onto yourself and your coworkers at your at -will job may increase complexity in your work relationships.

and even introduce unnecessary risk.